unattached

i’m so dumb.
my mind’s completely
unattached
from my autopiloted body.
my thoughts so far
from today’s unwavering logic.
my heart has
forgotten to beat,
so here it sits;
lead in the cold canyon
that was once my spirit.
surrounded by hope
that’s always too far
to grasp,
mocked by faith that
holds such fickle audience.
this debating,
this warring,
renders too many casualties.
a hello becomes jest,
a goodbye a scorn.
i’m too far away
from where I want to be,
so close to where
i never wanted to go.
you hit rock bottom
to know there’s a way up.
this limbo i’m trapped in
grants me no exit.
no escape.
I pity you if you believe
you’ve got it all–
one day you’ll fall.
hard.
i envy you who’s at the
end of their ropes,
the bottom of their being–
you’ve guidance,
you’ve got direction.
up.
either tear me
from my strained comfort,
or elevate me to complacency
my Lord.
keep me here no longer,
i’ve gone through too much
darkness
to not crave
light.
indulge me,
enlighten me,
just acknowledge me.
come closer, my God.
I can’t feel you when
you’re that far away.